the last one

this is going to be my last entry on theblogs.net :)

i am not extremely sad about it and dont expect anyone to feel sad about it... i had good 10 months of being here, sharing my thoughts with the world, though this world was quite small :P

i've met some nice people through blogging and i have been happy here... but now it is time to move on. i just cant stay here because of some personal reasons :) even though i am happy again and am finally over it. still i dont want to be here anymore. i wont delete any of my entries. some of them were really good. sometimes i reread them and can see how much different i am now... at least my english has become a bit better  

i want to thank all of you who has been reading me and supported me all this time.

if some of you do want to read my blogs further you just have to ask :) write me at toplena@gmail.com and i will tell you the new url :)

ok, enough for now... it seems to be like the whole era ends now

here is the last pic i will ever post on theblogs.net

thank you very much and good bye :))

 

PS. the right e-mail address is top.lena@gmail.com

(thanks, abhay :P)

happy

i have learned.... after 9 months

since i am going to stop blogging here i was re-reading some of my entries here and had an absolutely new point of view to some of them. it shows for how different we are with the change of  time. 10 months and you see an absolutely different person ... and when you see and read the same words you have absolutely different meaning of them...

so here there are words that i have posted about 9 months ago... they are still very true but have a different meaning for me now :)

I've learned-
That you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned-
That no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned-
That it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned-
That it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned-
That you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned-
That you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do.
I've learned-
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned-
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned-
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned-
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned-
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned-
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned-
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned-
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned-
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned-
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned-
That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned-
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned-
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned-
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned-
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned-
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned-
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned-
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned-
That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned-
That no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.
I've learned-
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned-
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned-
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

how are you? i am fine :)

well... the last couple of days were not that bad. after the realisation of the fact that nothing may go the way i wanted it to be for the last 10 months and may be it is really better so. i think it is really better so... i am adapting very well to this new situation and really like it a lot. may be not a lot but enough to feel myself protected from all the negative emotions and calm and not nervous about anything. just like myself, normal me again with no nighmares, no stress, no pains... i can smile again, just so.. without any reason like i did before the only one negative thing (well... may be not negative..) that i again have to rely only on myself and believe only in myself. but as most people on this planet i can manage this pretty well i am strong though i used to be weak last months.. time to be back and get my strength again life is peaceful at the moment, may be for the first time for the last 3 months and i enjoy it

decisions

“Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right.”

 

- i made a decision, and i am sure it is the right one. i dont want to torture myself with all this. it is really to painful to bear. besides all thisstress causes physical pains and i was told by the doctor that if i dont stop doing it to myself i might end up in the hospital again which is something i really dont want to happen :)

i had a break down yesterday, had been crying for an hour non-stop and even after that i wasnt sure i cried all te pain out. i dont deserve this, do i? nobody does... i will not be able to go through something like that again, not in this life and not with him.. i want to be happy and it is impossible while i am thinking about the entire situation. i might as well finish writing blogs on theblogs.net because everything here reminds so much of him. i want completely  get rid of this feeling that is eating me from inside. and may be it will be the wrong decision and i am making a mistake but it is how i feel now - it is better for me so, i believe this truly... i changed myself or better to say he changed me - i guess it is better so because we need some change in our life... i cant say i learned a lot from this experience - just i again lost something so importand and will need time to get it back :)

i know i will be alright, i know he will be alright. i wish he will be happy because from all people on this planet he deserves happiness may be more than others.

with so much love in his heart...

 

wise words

i dont remember if i posted this before, anyways it even doesnt matter because i feel a need to post it :P

Wise words
===========
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to
ever let you down probably will.
 
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder
every time.
 
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
 
You'll fight with your best friend.
 
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
 
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose
someone you love.
 
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

"Girl"

yesterday i had a song on my mind which i couldnt remember at all - it was eating me yesterday and today until i finally remembered. :) the song is really great!!!

Artist - F.R. David

Song - Girl

Girl you are my song
you are the melody
and you're the harmony.
Girl you're in my mind
spinning around my brain
and I go insane.

You light up my life
You make the sun shine
And you keep away the rain
Sweet is your emotion

Girl you are my song
you are the melody
and the harmony.

Babe, you're the only music of my life
if it never ends I'll never die
when you're happy makes me feel so good
when you sad I feel the same way too

you are my song

Girl you are my song
you are the melody
and you're the harmony.
Girl you're in my mind
spinning around my brain
and I go insane.

You light up my life
You make the sun shine
And you keep away the rain
Sweet is your emotion

Fly! Listening to you makes me feel so light.
You're the one who sends me in the sky
You control the rythm of my heart
And I hope that beat will never stop

You are my girl
you are my song
you are the melody
and you're the harmony.
Girl you're in my mind
spinning around my brain
and I go insane.

Girl you are my song
you are the melody
and you're the harmony.

the same old me

yesterday i had the first lesson with a new student ))) - i can say it is the best student i ever have given privat lessons. A 14 years old girl, her english is better than i expected it to be but most of all i liked how we could get along with each other from the very first minute. i really enjoyed  giving this lesson.

yesterday after the lesson i cama home pretty late - it was dark ouside already and i again realized how much beautiful my city is, especially at night :) 

PS and one more important thing - yesterday night i caught myself on smiling without any reason. it hasnt happened for the last couple of months )) - so i really  think i am finally back to myself, may be to a bit different me, but still a good one

Simple questions - simple answers?